Now by the Royal F'N Rumble I don't mean it like EC F'N W but more like Miley F'N Cyrus.
Normally I am upbeat, positive and always try to find the silver lining, but watching this years Rumble has got me, well, wanting to trap my wobbly bits it the kitchen drawer.
Was the Royal Rumble the worst PPV I've seen? On paper not so much but the actual event seemed tailored to rub against every single wrestling grain in my body. In retrospect some PPVs have been so so bad, No Mercy the UK "PPV" to name one but at the time I wasn't looking at wrestling in the same way. Sometimes I really wish I could go back to that way of thinking, before I knew about booking, politics and spoilers.
It can be tough watching WWE when you have an idea about these things, I ain't claiming to be an expert or have knowledge on how these things work but I know they exist. I guess it's a bit like magic. You don't have to know how to do the trick yourself but if you know how it's done it's just not magic anymore.
It is because of this why 2014s Rumble is bothering me so much today and why the UKs No Mercy didn't back then.
From the start we get Bryan vs Bray and no shock this match was a brilliantly tank solid match. WWE here putting their best foot forward on this night and showcasing two of the brightest stars in the opener.
There is a lot to be said for why we have this match in the first place and a lot has been said so I'll keep this short.
Great match with a strange finish. Some have been saying a burial but I'm ok with the loss. Because it'll be so much sweeter when he enters the rumble match right?... Right?...
Moving on to Lesnar / Big Show. Before the bell rung I was kind of miffed as to why there has been zero mention of their storied past. Sure I know WWE often skims past details and history but I just thought there would be a some sort of mention.
As for the match, Lesnar looked a scary kinda crazy and I believe because it was a straight match the pre and post match was brawl filled and the usual for the new Lesnar. With the actual match being so short, Lesnar must've earned several thousand dollars per minute!
So here comes the title match! The WWE World Heavyweight Championship! With no divas match on the card, this was used as a piss and smoke break. Yup, the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match, at the Royal Rumble, was my PISS-BREAK. Trouble is I couldn't pee or smoke for long enough, I had to go back to my living room and try and sit through the rest. FAIL!
Listening to the crowd chant their lungs off in a sort of protest was great, but just couldn't do the job. I fell asleep. That right! Smoked, pissed and slept the title match away.
From what I hear and have read the match kinda resembled the last 39 PPV outings they've had.
Ladies and gentleman, it is now time for the main event of the evening, The Royal Rumble Match.
CM Punk, woohoo! Rollins, get in! Good start again!
But by the end of the match, we had Torito and Nash....Fucking Nash! The man who tears easier than wet toilet paper on barbed wire was back. I guess if you look at the Diesel return from a couple of years ago, you could see why they may've gone this route. But this time, he hadn't just walked out of TNA nor was he wearing one glove.
The finish saw Batista getting to point at the Wrestlemania XXX logo. Mug. This is a guy I have had no interest in since I last wore a Von Dutch hat.
Now that's what I actually saw, we all know what we didn't see.
So in a biggish nutshell that's why I'm not happy with last night.
Now it's off my chest I feel I can look for the silver lining again. Twitter is on fire and the IWC are still throwing cans of petrol around, even the BBC have posted about it! Now that's news! BBC posts about the Rumble
Also, tonights RAW looks like it could be a hot bed, IZOD-esque place for crowd reaction. Not necessarily pro WWE.
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